How do you say goodbye to a parent who is still alive?

My elderly mother is developing dementia. Some days she's really with it and other days she is petulant or off in a fantasy world. But she is still my mother.





I can only visit her every few weeks. When I call her, sometimes she recognizes me, other times she doesn't.





How can I make the most of the time we have left?How do you say goodbye to a parent who is still alive?
I can most certainly empathize with you on this one. My mother had


Alzheimer's for a very long time before she passed away. The last two years of her life did not recognize me as her daughter.





Her last week of life, she recognized me and called out to me, actually the day before she died. A nurse's aide was in the room at the time and it was such a surprise I first turned to HER, rather than my mother and said, '; Did you hear THAT?'; She looked back at me, puzzled and said, um, yes, she called for you? I said, But you don't realize, this is the first time she has looked at me and then known my name,known who I was in more than two years. She was frightened, and in pain. She looked into my eyes and I KNEW that it was indeed, my mother looking back into mine. She knew who I was.





I had been grieving for the loss of my mother for nearly a decade by the day she died. It is not an easy thing to explain, because I don't know that anyone who hasn't experienced this can truly understand this type of slow, very long and drawn out grieving that tortures you some days when there are brief, lucid moments of recognition. It isn't just the memory that ';dies';, but the personality. When you look into their eyes, the same person you knew, and who knew you so very well, isn't looking at you.





I strongly suggest that you find a support group. There are many out there, and you may not find the right ';fit'; the first time..but it is ESSENTIAL for your own mental health to connect to others who are living this and who have lived it.





Online support can only do so much. Coping with a parent or spouse with Alzheimer's is something that cannot be done alone and you come out intact.





What I suggest is to hold on to the good moments, even knowing she can't really do that. Find out what ever it is that gives her momentary pleasures, even if it is watching a silly children's movie or listening to records from her teenage years..knowing she won't remember it ten minutes after you left. You see, they live IN the MOMENT..and the more in the moment moments they have that are filled with a smile, the better. So many of their moments are in frustration, fear, anxiety and a sense of confusion.





I had a toddler while also helping to care for my mother. I would take her along with us when I took him to see old Disney cartoons she had taken me to see as a child. They were new for her all over again and she smiled and enjoyed the two hours. On the drive home, she wouldn't even remember we had been to the movies. But..that was ok, because ..she had smiled for two hours that day at least.





I wish you strength my friend.





Have her under the care of a competetent and caring neurologist..get all the support you can in whatever way you can, now so that as this progresses you don't go from one crisis to the next.





Check with your local Alzheimer's Association for help.





You will certainly grieve, and as everyone grieves in their own way, saying goodbye to the mother you knew may be a part of that for you, but you can't really say a final goodbye while she's still living because you never know when she might briefly come back.





ShalomHow do you say goodbye to a parent who is still alive?
No handbook really. Sounds like your doing everything possible to cherish the time you do have with her making it as positive and loving as possible. That's really all you can do. It would be good for you to seek some companionship to talk to someone on a regular basis about your situation. Maybe there are support groups, or maybe a close friend to talk about the struggles, the frustration, but most importantly to know your not alone, and that your mother will always be a part of you in more then one way.
Just by being you. 3 of 4 of my grandparents had some form of dementia. She's still there. Talk and behave as normal. It can be hard, but she's your mum. Tell her you love her. Look back at good memories with her. Hang on before she lets go.
visit her, bring photo almbums, talk about the life she has had.





you aere very lucky to have a chance to say goodbye- my mom died when i was a kid. there was no warning.








im sorry for you and your family.


i wish youwell with happy memories
Leave nothing unsaid. My mom just passed away 2 weeks ago but had similar personality and mental changes for the past 4-5 years. Remember her as she was before this ... and forgive for what is happening now.
Whether you think that she can hear %26amp; Understand you or not please make sure to let her know that she is loved.





(((Filidia)))